It’s been awhile since our bones have connected. I've been in the middle of my own covid-19 experience. I’m missing our communication however, I needed to be in a place of stillness and quiet understanding my own relationship with Covid-19 and how my / our world will be reshaped. We have all been touched by this virus in varying ways.
My physical health is fine. I had imposed a 2-week self-quarantined since my masked and gloved flight home from Florida on March 20th.
As a small business owner I applied for Payroll Protection Program (PPP) to pay my independent contractors, who are the bones of my business. They help me with filming my cooking videos, researching the latest in Food for Healthy Bones food science, keeping the back-end of my website running smoothly and supporting members of my Bones Tribe. All efforts working together.
When applying for PPP I felt a sense of shame (why shame?), confusion, perplexed, disoriented, feeling lost. I wanted to resist resistance. Then suddenly a determined sense of
“I must do this” arose.
No one had a handle on what was needed to file. I contacted two different accountants who provided different answers.
Not their fault.
I reached out to the Small Business Administration. They did not know the answer. My local community bank told me to speak to my accountant. “I did, they don’t know” was my reply. The circle of “those not knowing” grew bigger and bigger.
When the time came to apply, the bank was not set up. Several uploaded attempts, emails back and forth, text messages and unanswered phone calls resulted in scanning and uploading 9 documents. I received a frustrated email from my loan officer. “This is not good, Irma. Your uploads are in the wrong format. I can’t spend time with each applicant”. But he didn’t know the right format and couldn’t offer me any guidance.
Not his fault.
A loan officer is not an IT guy. Zip file came to the rescue. I never knew how to create a zip file but my dear friend, Vicki, did. I uploading my zipped documents to the banks protected file and guess what?
My loan officer texting me at 6:30am suggesting I reach out to my IT department. My what? And how much stress is this loan office under? Finally the now 10 documents (up from 9) went through. There is no confirmation other than a notice that said “uploaded”.
Now I wait.
Friends suggested "take a breath, Irma." Have you been advised in times of stress to just take a breath? Instead of the advice from friends to "take a breath" I thought of a new way to look at that request. As so many in our world are suffering with their lungs and their breath, I decided to rephrase "take a breath" to "receive a breath...and surrender the exhale". That expression helped me truly understand the gift of breath.
It’s the waiting and the emotional observing that’s part of this big shift. The patience, the impatience, the not knowing. Then comes the bigger question. What do we know? What we knew yesterday is not what is working today as so many of us are creating a new rhythm working from home, learning Zoom, understanding a new “being camera ready” term, living in close quarters with our partners, children, grandchildren and cooking more than perhaps we want to.
And testing love.
Now that the PPP is behind me, I feel more grounded. Now I'm thinking.... how can I offer support to my bones community? Since we are all finding ourselves in our kitchen more my "What's In My Pantry" video, I hope, will bring you support and maybe a chuckle.
As many of my readers know I love connecting with food…sharing a recipe, cooking together and feeding my bones. I’m not the best cook but my love of food is met by my love of eating and feeding my bones.
When I consider what I miss, the answer is connection.
I hope you find your way back to your new normal and your reconnection.
I'd love to hear your Covid-19 story.
From my loving bones to yours,
Irma Jennings, INHC
Holistic Bone Coach
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